Carter's Big Weary
by Chezza
Summary: She wonders if she even has the courage to try SJ UST. [Set between seasons Eight and Nine]


**Carter's Big Weary**

**By Chezza**

**Disclaimer: **Stargate's not mine as I'm sure you all know,

nor do it's characters belong to me.

This kind of writing earns me no dough,

so you get to read my fic for free!

**Authors Notes:** Written for the SJFic Word of the Week challenge, 'Weary'.

**© Chezza, July 2006**

_**o0o**_

She stands on his driveway, staring up at his house and can't even remember how she got here. One moment she's locking up her own cosy one-storey, which she has chosen not to exchange for a larger model with a yellow kitchen and the next she's started walking.

Lost in thoughts which comprise a strange mix of sorrow and elation, she thinks of her father and her latest failed engagement, of how they have achieved everything the SGC set out to do, eight long, exhausting, years ago.

The Earth is as safe as it is ever likely to be. At least for now. She ponders if it's worth the personal price she has had to pay. She has to believe that it is, otherwise it has all been meaningless and that is something she finds she cannot accept.

Now she realises she has been granted a freedom not permitted to her before. She has been given the chance to decide for herself, what direction her life will take from this moment on. A singular opportunity not to have the choice made for her by circumstance.

She wonders if she even has the courage to try.

She stares at the dark wood building and considers how appropriate it is to its owner. On the outside it's calm, immaculate, lovingly kept. Yet inside, she knows, it's a maelstrom and it has the ability to swallow her whole if she lets it.

As she stands here, she can't help but remember every other time she has stood in this place with this self-same purpose in mind. Each time she has been rebuffed.

She's not sure she has the strength to let it happen again.

But she's come such a long way to get here and she's so weary, she doesn't know she'll ever make it back if she walks away now.

Her legs pull her forward up the front walk almost of their own volition, until she's stood in front of the door. She doesn't remember telling her arm to extent but it does. Running her fingertips gently over the smooth wood, before curling into a fist and knocking firmly.

The approach of familiar footsteps from inside the house tells her that her summons has been heard. Then the door is pulled open and they are face-to-face once more without any barriers between them.

Her heart is beating so fast she thinks it's a wonder he can't hear it from where he is standing.

"Carter?"

His expression is a mixture of faint puzzlement and concern with an underlying edge of affection, which he no longer seems to know how to hide from her.

Or perhaps he no longer want to.

The thought bring tears stinging to her eyes and she closes them to stop them from escaping. That's not what she thinks this is about.

Her mind struggles to find an answer to his unspoken question. Every other time she has stood here and the reason she has given for being here flits through her mind.

_'It's funny really, I was out driving, you know...in my car, and I um, I drove here…'_

_'…I've, um, I've been sitting in your driveway for the last ten minutes trying to work up the nerve to come and talk to you…'_

But she can't think of an excuse this time and at this one particular moment, she's so utterly exhausted, she doesn't even want to try.

She's simply too tired to pretend anymore.

She swallows hard and opens her eyes. Meeting his gaze, she settles for brutal honesty instead.

"I wanted to see you."

He says nothing in response, although his eyes widen a little and she feels hope that to have gained any reaction at all, her words must mean something to him.

Then he reaches out. One hand curls gently around her shoulder, spreading warmth where it touches and tugs her forwards. Across the threshold, the invisible barrier which no longer exists. She goes willingly and his arms slip completely around her as he kicks the door shut behind her with his foot.

He holds her like she's the most precious thing in the world and her own hands slide under his arms to press flat on his shoulders. Her eyes are burning now and she buries her face in the side of his neck and tries desperately to hold it all back.

His head comes to rest atop hers.

"I'm glad you did." She hears him whisper.

The hoarse sound to his voice breaks something inside her and she chokes off a sob.

His hand comes up to cradle the back of her head and at long, long, last…

The tears fall.

**-fini-**


End file.
